Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Two Quotes, Shapes Quotes

K, n. A consonant; originally precisely that of our H, but altered to its present shape to commemorate the destruction of [one of two lofty columns in] the great temple of Jarute.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Two Quotes , Shapes Quotes

Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man. The pig is taught by sermons and epistles / To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles.

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SPOOKER, n. A writer whose imagination concerns itself with supernatural phenomena, especially in the doings of spooks.

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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.

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A book which the Mohammedans foolishly believe to have been written by divine inspiration, but which Christians know to be a wicked imposture, contradictory to the Holy Scriptures.

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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

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Curiosity, n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Passion Quotes , Soul Quotes

EVANGELIST, n. A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of our neighbors.

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Conversation: A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor.

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Intolerance is natural and logical, for in every dissenting opinion lies an assumption of superior wisdom.

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To those who view the voyage of life from the port of departure the bark that has accomplished any considerable distance appears already in close approach to the farther shore.

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Brain, v. [as in "to brain"]: To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of error in an opponent.

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One of the greatest of poets, Coleridge was one of the wisest of men, and it was not for nothing that he read us this parable. Let us have a little less of "hands across the sea," and a little more of that elemental distrust that is the security of nations. War loves to come like a thief in the night; professions of eternal amity provide the night.

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Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.

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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.

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SATIRE, n. An obsolete kind of literary composition in which the vices and follies of the author's enemies were expounded with imperfect tenderness.

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An auctioneer is a man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

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Respectability, n. The offspring of a liaison between a bald head and a bank account.

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MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important.

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KISS, n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for "bliss." It is supposed to signify, in a general way, some kind of rite or ceremony appertaining to a good understanding; but the manner of its performance is unknown to this lexicographer.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Kissing Quotes , Understanding Quotes