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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
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- Alligator: The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World.
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- Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
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- Genius - to know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things.
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- PALACE, n. A fine and costly residence, particularly that of a great official. The residence of a high dignitary of the Christian Church is called a palace; that of the Founder of his religion was known as a field, or wayside. There is progress.
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- An army's bravest men are its cowards. The death which they would not meet at the hands of the enemy they will meet at the hands of their officers, with never a flinching.
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- FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar's nearest approach to truth: the perigee of his eccentric orbit.
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- PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.
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- Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
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- Uncommon extension of the fear of death.
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- HARMONISTS, n. A sect of Protestants, now extinct, who came from Europe in the beginning of the last century and were distinguished for the bitterness of their internal controversies and dissensions.
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- JESTER, n. An officer attached to the king's household to amuse the court by ludicrous actions and utterances . . . the king's own conduct and decrees [being] sufficiently ridiculous for the amusement not only of his court but of all mankind.
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- RUIN, v. To destroy. Specifically, to destroy a maid's belief in the virtue of maids.
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- GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.
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- MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
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- Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.
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- Rhubarb: essence of stomach ache.
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- Nonsense, n. The objections that are urged against this excellent dictionary.
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- REASON, v.i. To weight probabilities in the scales of desire.
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- Custard: A detestable substance produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook.
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