Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Life Quotes, Two Quotes

CALAMITY, n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

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Occident: The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call war and commerce. These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient.

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art, n. This word has no definition.

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Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

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PRISON, n. A place of punishments and rewards. The poet assures us that - stone walls do not a prison make.

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Brain: an apparatus with which we think that we think. Mind, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain.

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Rum, n. Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.

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Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

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PIE, n. An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion.

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PERFECTION, n. An imaginary state of quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence; an attribute of the critic.

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TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.

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Alien - an American sovereign in his probationary state.

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DELEGATION, n. In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets.

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PLATONIC, adj. Pertaining to the philosophy of Socrates. Platonic Love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability and a frost.

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recollect, v. To recall with additions something not previously known.

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BODY-SNATCHER, n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker.

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There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.

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Every patriot believes his country better than any other country . . . In its active manifestation-it is fond of killing-patriotism would be well enough if it were simply defensive, but it is also aggressive . . . Patriotism deliberately and with folly aforethought subordinates the interests of a whole to the interests of a part . . . Patriotism is fierce as a fever, pitiless as the grave and blind as a stone.

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pleasure, n. The least hateful form of dejection.

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Erudition - dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.

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