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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- PLEBEIAN, n. An ancient Roman who in the blood of his country stained nothing but his hands. Distinguished from the Patrician, who was a saturated solution.
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- ZIGZAG, v.t. To move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man's burden.
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- RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
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- Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises.
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- Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
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- A hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man, rat, mouse, beetle, cockroach, fly, mosquito, flea, bacillus, and microbe.
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- USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Conventionality. Imbued with a decent reverence for this Holy Triad an industrious writer may hope to produce books that will live as long as the fashion.
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- APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom.
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- He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
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- AUSTRALIA, n. A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.
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- PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.
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- POVERTY, n. A file provided for the teeth of the rats of reform. Its victims are distinguished by possession of all the virtues and by their faith in leaders seeking to conduct them into a prosperity where they believe these to be unknown.
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- Slang is the speech of him who robs the literary garbage carts on their way to the dumps.
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- ROPE, n. An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal. It is put about the neck and remains in place one's whole life long.
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- GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.
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- ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Musca maledicta"). The father of Zoology was Aristotle, as is universally conceded, but the name of its mother has not come down to us.
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- Miss, n. A title which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.
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- Evolutionary biology is genuinely scientific, but more than that it opens the door to a world more marvellous than any Christian fundamentalist has ever read into the pages of the Bible.
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- ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke.
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- UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.
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