Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Reality Quotes, Thinking Quotes

CARTESIAN, adj. Relating to Descartes, author of 'Cogito ergo sum' to demonstrate the reality of human existence. The dictum might be improved 'Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum' 'I think that I think, therefore I think that I am' as close an approach.

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INTENTION, n. The mind's sense of the prevalence of one set of influences over another set; an effect whose cause is the imminence, immediate or remote, of the performance of an involuntary act.

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SATIETY, n. The feeling that one has for the plate after he has eaten its contents, madam.

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A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.

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EXISTENCE, n. A transient, horrible, fantastic dream,/ Wherein is nothing yet all things do seem:/ From which we're wakened by a friendly nudge/ Of our bedfellow Death, and cry: "O fudge!"

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Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

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A comely female inhabiting the Mohammedan Paradise to make things cheery for the good Mussulman, whose belief in her existence marks a noble discontent with his earthly spouse, whom he denies a soul.

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MONKEY, n. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees.

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Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

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Adolescence: The stage between puberty and adultery.

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Aristocrats: n. fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts - guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts.

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Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity.

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RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.

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Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.

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HOMŒOPATHIST, n. The humorist of the medical profession.

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BIRTH, n. The first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of it there appears to be no uniformity. Castor and Pollux were born from the egg. Pallas came out of a skull. Galatea was once a block of stone. Peresilis, who wrote in the tenth century, avers that he grew up out of the ground where a priest had spilled holy water. It is known that Arimaxus was derived from a hole in the earth, made by a stroke of lightning. Leucomedon was the son of a cavern in Mount Etna, and I have myself seen a man come out of a wine cellar.

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ENOUGH, pro. All there is in the world if you like it.

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LAST, n. A shoemaker's implement, named by a frowning Providence as opportunity to the maker of puns.

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NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.

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Snow pursued by the wind is not wholly unlike a retreating army. In the open field it ranges itself in ranks and battalions; where it can get a foothold it makes a stand; where it can take cover it does so. You may see whole platoons of snow cowering behind a bit of broken wall.

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