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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- MUMMY, n. - an ancient Egyptian handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower animals.
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- Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises.
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- To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.
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- PREHISTORIC, adj. Belonging to an early period and a museum. Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood.
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- POCKET, n. The cradle of motive and the grave of conscience. In woman this organ is lacking; so she acts without motive, and her conscience, denied burial, remains ever alive, confessing the sins of others.
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- Duty - that which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
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- Indigestion: A disease which the patient and his friends frequently mistake for deep religious conviction and concern for the salvation of mankind. As the simple Red Man of the Western Wild put it, with, it must be confessed, a certain force: 'Plenty well, no pray; big belly ache, heap God.'
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- Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
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- A trite popular saying, or proverb. (Figurative and colloquial.) So called because it makes its way into a wooden head. Following are examples of old saws fitted with new teeth.
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- If every hypocrite in the United States were to break his leg to-day the country could be successfully invaded to-morrow by the warlike hypocrites of Canada.
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- The money-getter who pleads his love of work has a lame defense, for love of work at money-getting is a lower taste than love of money.
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- General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.
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- MONSIGNOR- A high ecclesiastical title, of which the Founder of our religion overlooked the advantages.
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- Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.
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- Age is provident because the less future we have the more we fear it.
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- Backbite: To ''speak of a man as you find him'' when he can't find you.
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- Duck-bill, n. Your account at your restaurant during the canvas-back season.
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- CUNNING, n. The faculty that distinguishes a weak animal or person from a strong one. It brings its possessor much mental satisfaction and great material adversity. An Italian proverb says: "The furrier gets the skins of more foxes than asses."
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- To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand.
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- MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.
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