Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Christian Quotes, Character Quotes

WIDOW, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ's tenderness towards widows was one of the most marked features of his character.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Christian Quotes , Character Quotes

He laughs best who laughs least.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes

ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Religious Quotes , Religion Quotes

Miss, n. A title which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Women Quotes , Missing Quotes

QUORUM, n. A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own way of having it. In the U.S. Senate a quorum consists of the chairman of the Committee on Finance and a messenger from the White House.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , White Quotes , Numbers Quotes

CANNON, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Peace Quotes , War Quotes

QUIXOTIC, adj. Absurdly chivalric, like Don Quixote. An insight into the beauty and excellence of this incomparable adjective is unhappily denied to him who has the misfortune to know that the gentleman's name is pronounced Ke-ho-tay.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Beauty Quotes , Names Quotes

FREEBOOTER, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Business Quotes , Way Quotes

BIRTH, n. The first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of it there appears to be no uniformity. Castor and Pollux were born from the egg. Pallas came out of a skull. Galatea was once a block of stone. Peresilis, who wrote in the tenth century, avers that he grew up out of the ground where a priest had spilled holy water. It is known that Arimaxus was derived from a hole in the earth, made by a stroke of lightning. Leucomedon was the son of a cavern in Mount Etna, and I have myself seen a man come out of a wine cellar.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Block Quotes , Wine Quotes

APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Wisdom Quotes

DUEL, n. A formal ceremony preliminary to reconciliation of two enemies. Great skill is necessary to its satisfactory observance; if awkwardly performed . . . deplorable consequences sometimes ensue. A long time ago a man lost his life.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Life Quotes , Time Quotes

CENTAUR, n. One of a race of persons who lived before the division of labor had been carried to such a pitch of differentiation, and who followed the primitive economic maxim, "Every man his own horse."

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Life Quotes , Horse Quotes

REVEILLE, n. A signal to sleeping soldiers to dream of battlefields no more, but get up and have their blue noses counted.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Dream Quotes , Sleep Quotes

BABE or BABY, n. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or condition, chiefly remarkable for the violence of the sympathies and antipathies it excites in others, itself without sentiment or emotion.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Baby Quotes , Sex Quotes

Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Travel Quotes , Journey Quotes

ZIGZAG, v.t. To move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man's burden.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Moving Quotes , Men Quotes

Wine, madam, is God's next best gift to man.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Wine Quotes , Men Quotes

Pantheism, n. The doctrine that everything is God, in contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Doctrine Quotes

Wisdom is known only by contrasting it with folly; by shadow only we perceive that all visible objects are not flat. Yet Philanthropos would abolish evil!

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Evil Quotes , Shadow Quotes

Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , God Quotes