Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A God who cannot smile, could not have created this humorous universe.

5 years ago

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Tags : Sri Aurobindo Quotes , God Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

But soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery - go!

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Ophelia Quotes

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I am pushing sixty. That is enough exercise for me.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fitness Quotes , Humorous Quotes

He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he was penitent, he was invariably in the very last stage of maudlin intoxication. He was a ragged, roving, roaring kind of fellow, with a burly form, a sharp wit, and a ready head, and could turn his hand to anything when he chose to do it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Crafts Quotes

It is our American habit if we find the foundations of our educational structure unsatisfactory to add another story or wing.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Education Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The funniest things are the forbidden.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

His neighbor is a tooth-drawer. That bag at his girdle is full of the teeth that he drew at Winchester fair. I warrant that there are more sound ones than sorry, for he is quick at his work and a trifle dim in the eye.

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Sorry Quotes , Humorous Quotes

When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Life And Love Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Mr. and Mrs. Boffin sat staring at mid-air, and Mrs. Wilfer sat silently giving them to understand that every breath she drew required to be drawn with a self-denial rarely paralleled in history.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Well, sir, let us do what we can to curtail this visit, which can hardly be agreeable to you, and is inexpressibly irksome to me.

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

They spell it da Vinci and pronounce it da Vinchy. Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Travel Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does.

6 years ago

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Tags : Al Bernstein Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Knowledge Quotes

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Witty Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I don't even know what street Canada is on.

6 years ago

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Tags : Al Capone Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Canada Quotes

Doctors will have more lives to answer for in the next world than even we generals.

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Tags : Napoleon Bonaparte Quotes , War Quotes , Humorous Quotes

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes