Ernest Hemingway Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

Here is the piece. If you can't say fornicate can you say copulate or if not that can you say co-habit? If not that would have to say consummate I suppose. Use your own good taste and judgment.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Nirvana is not the blowing out of the candle. It is the extinguishing of the flame because day is come.

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Tags : Rabindranath Tagore Quotes , Death Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"There are one or two elementary rules to be observed in the way of handling patients," he remarked, seating himself on the table and swinging his legs. "The most obvious is that you must never let them see that you want them. It should be pure condescension on your part seeing them at all; and the more difficulties you throw in the way of it, the more they think of it. Break your patients in early, and keep them well to heel."

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Profound Quotes

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The humorous look of children is perhaps the most endearing of all the bonds that hold the Cosmos together.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes

" ... It is not my desire to wound the feelings of any person with whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a hypocrite," said Mr. Pecksniff, cuttingly, "but I am not a brute."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Fun Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Doctors Quotes

Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does.

6 years ago

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Tags : Al Bernstein Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Knowledge Quotes

He that plays the king shall be welcome- his Majesty shall have tribute of me; the adventurous knight shall use his foil and target; the lover shall not sigh gratis; the humorous man shall end his part in peace; the clown shall make those laugh whose lungs are tickle o' th' sere; and the lady shall say her mind freely, or the blank verse shall halt fort.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Kings Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"It's an old habit of mine, Wal'r," said the Captain, "any time these fifty year. When you see Ned Cuttle bite his nails, Wal'r, then you may know that Ned Cuttle's aground."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Liars Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I have my own views about Nature's methods, though I feel that it is rather like a beetle giving his

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Nature Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Always obey your parents - when they are present.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Because of its vitality, the computing field is always in desperate need of new cliches: Banality soothes our nerves.

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Tags : Alan Perlis Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Technology Quotes

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Witty Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"Why, I don't exactly know about perjury, my dear sir," replied the little gentleman. "Harsh word, my dear sir, very harsh word indeed. It's a legal fiction, my dear sir, nothing more."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. P. Herbert Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Purpose Quotes