Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

"Next," said Mrs Wilfer with a wave of her gloves, expressive of abdication under protest from the culinary throne, "I would recommend examination of the bacon in the saucepan on the fire, and also of the potatoes by the application of a fork. Preparation of the greens will further become necessary if you persist in this unseemly demeanour."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.

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Tags : John Donne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I do not hold that we should rearm in order to fight. I hold that we should rearm in order to parley.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Goresthorpe Grange is a feudal mansion - or so it was termed in the advertisement which originally brought it under my notice. Its right to this adjective had a most remarkable effect upon its price, and the advantages gained may possibly be more sentimental than real. Still, it is soothing to me to know that I have slits in my staircase through which I can discharge arrows; and there is a sense of power in the fact of possessing a complicated apparatus by means of which I am enabled to pour molten lead upon the head of the casual visitor.

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Real Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Poetry's unnat'ral; no man ever talked poetry 'cept a beadle on boxin' day, or Warren's blackin' or Rowland's oil, or some o' them low fellows; never you let yourself down to talk poetry, my boy.

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It is our American habit if we find the foundations of our educational structure unsatisfactory to add another story or wing.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Education Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Marriage Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There seems to me to be absolutely no limit to the inanity and credulity of the human race. Homo Sapiens! Homo idioticus!

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind-the humorous.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Stories Quotes

I don't even know what street Canada is on.

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Tags : Al Capone Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Canada Quotes

Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.

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Tags : Abraham Kaplan Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Because of its vitality, the computing field is always in desperate need of new cliches: Banality soothes our nerves.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Perlis Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Technology Quotes

If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

History is written by the victors.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Humorous Quotes