Adam Carolla Quotes, Jobs Quotes, Horrible Jobs Quotes

The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Jobs Quotes , Horrible Jobs Quotes

If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Media Quotes , Worried Quotes

I'm a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I'm into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Nuts Quotes , Car Quotes

It's like the Fouth of July in my underpants.

6 years ago

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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

I'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to laugh half the time.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , People Quotes , Laughing Quotes

I know everything because I know nothing.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes

In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Nice Quotes , Dirty Quotes

I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Annoyed Quotes , Time Travel Quotes

I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle. The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I'm not sure why.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Views Quotes , Land Quotes

When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Growing Up Quotes

When you're doing a radio show, you can express yourself.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Radio Quotes , Express Yourself Quotes

I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Guy Quotes , Needs Quotes

People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Opportunity Quotes , People Quotes

People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Stupid Quotes , Successful Quotes

I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Feelings Quotes , Trying Quotes

The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hate Quotes , Thinking Quotes

I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Running Quotes , Car Quotes

Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes