Adam Carolla Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

Figure out what to do, then take a nap.

6 years ago

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You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

6 years ago

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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.

6 years ago

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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.

6 years ago

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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.

6 years ago

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I liked radio, or podcasting. I like talking minus the camera and the script part. All those mediums are different, and they are all different with their pluses and minuses. I would say the podcast is my favorite because I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. The pace of radio is very fast. Boom, boom, with a little six minute segment, then on to the next thing. With podcasts you can talk about something for 25 minutes if you like - there is a lot of artistic freedom with it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Different Quotes , Artistic Quotes

Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.

6 years ago

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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

6 years ago

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I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Fields Quotes

To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Important Quotes , Ability Quotes

Lets not focus on saving a nickel... lets focus on making a buck.

6 years ago

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I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.

6 years ago

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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hate Quotes , Thinking Quotes

I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn't have to be between Thai and Mexican every night. Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sorry Quotes , Night Quotes

I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life. But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn't imagine it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lonely Quotes

Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

6 years ago

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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

6 years ago

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If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Dog Quotes , Good Life Quotes

As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They're the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math. If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife's side of the bed at night. If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Moving Quotes , Book Quotes

People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.

6 years ago

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