Adam Ferrara Quotes, Jobs Quotes, Father Quotes

I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Jobs Quotes , Father Quotes

The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Years Quotes , Funny Marriage Quotes

My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jesus Quotes

I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Civilization Quotes

Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes

I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girlfriend Quotes

My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

If you're in California and it's raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It's like it's raining frogs. They're terrified.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Rain Quotes , Home Quotes

I woke up my pop in the middle of the night 'cause the boogie man's under my bed. My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, 'Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man's under the bed!' Pop opens one eye, he's like, 'Is the boogie man bigger than me?' 'Well, no Daddy, he's not.' 'Well, you got your choice: you can deal with the boogie man or you can deal with me.'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes

As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes

The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes