Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Our heroes are men who do things which we recognize, with regret, and sometimes with a secret shame, that we cannot do.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Regret Quotes , Hero Quotes

It shames the average man to be valued below his own estimate of his worth.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Self Esteem Quotes , Men Quotes

As one boy said, 'I was thinking all these horrible thoughts about my parents when suddenly it hit me-if they're all that bad, how come I'm so wonderful'

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspiration Quotes , Thinking Quotes

There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind-the humorous.

6 years ago

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He does not care for flowers. Calls them rubbish, and cannot tell one from another, and thinks it is superior to feel like that.

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Whatever a man's age, he can reduce it several years by putting a bright-colored flower in his button-hole.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Flower Quotes , Men Quotes

It may have happened, it may not have happened but it could have happened.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , May Quotes , Possibility Quotes

The world has corrected the Bible. The church never corrects it; and also never fails to drop in at the tail of the procession-and take the credit of the correction.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Church Quotes , Tails Quotes

No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspiration Quotes , Twenties Quotes

Persons who think there is no such thing as luck good or bad are entitled to their opinion, although I think they ought to be shot for it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Luck Quotes

The laws of Nature, that is to say the laws of God, plainly made every human being a law unto himself, we must steadfastly refuse to obey those laws, and we must as steadfastly stand by the conventions which ignore them, since the statutes furnish us peace, fairly good government, and stability, and therefore are better for us than the laws of God, which would soon plunge us into confusion and disorder and anarchy if we should adopt them.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Government Quotes , Law Quotes

Man is the only Patriot. He sets himself apart in his own country, under his own flag, and sneers at the other nations, and keeps multitudinous uniformed assassins on hand at heavy expense to grab slices of other people's countries, and keep them from grabbing slices of his. And in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood off his hands and works for the universal brotherhood of man - with his mouth.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Patriotic Quotes

An injurious lie is an uncommendable thing; and so, also, and in the same degree, is an injurious truth a fact that is recognized by the law of libel .

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Law Quotes

When all is said and done, the one sole condition that makes spiritual happiness and preserves it is the absence of doubt.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Spiritual Quotes , Believe Quotes

You can have brilliant ideas, but if you can't get them across, your ideas won't get you anywhere. Lee Iacocca Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Communication Quotes , Love Is Quotes

If God is what people say there can be no one in the universe so unhappy as He; for He sees unceasingly myriads of His creatures suffering unspeakable miseries--and besides this foresees how they are going to suffer during the remainder of their lives. One might as well say, "As unhappy as God."

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , God Quotes , People Quotes

What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself. All day long, the mill of his brain is grinding, and his thoughts, not those of other things, are his history. These are his life, and they are not written. Everyday would make a whole book of 80,000 words -- 365 books a year. Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man -- the biography of the man himself cannot be written.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Real Quotes , Book Quotes

Is the human race a joke? Was it devised and patched together in a dull time when there was nothing important to do?

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Race Quotes , Important Quotes

Comedy keeps the heart sweet; but we all know that there is wholesome refreshment for both mind and heart in an occasional climb among the pomps of the intellectual snow-summits built by Shakespeare and those others.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sweet Quotes , Heart Quotes