Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat does -- but you let a cat get excited once; you let a cat get to pulling fur with another cat on a shed, nights, and you'll hear grammar that will give you the lockjaw. Ignorant people think it's the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it's the sickening grammar they use.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

He charged nothing for his preaching and it was worth it too.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Work Quotes

Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humor Quotes , Ignorance Quotes

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ideas Quotes , Literature Quotes

Love is madness, if thwarted it develops fast.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Love Is Quotes

I have no race prejudices, and I think I have no color prejudices or caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. Indeed I know it. I can stand any society. All that I care to know is that a man is a human being-that is enough for me; he can't be any worse.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Animal Quotes , Men Quotes

It has taken a weary long time to persuade American Presbyterians to give up infant damnation and try to bear it the best they can.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Giving Up Quotes , Taken Quotes

We laugh and laugh. Then cry and cry- Then feebler laugh, Then die.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Laughing Quotes , Cry Quotes

You can't reason someone out of something that they weren't reasoned into in the first place.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Firsts Quotes

There's something in it when a body like the widow or the parson prays, but it don't work for me, and I reckon it don't work for only just the right kind.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Widows Quotes , Body Quotes

All my life I have been honest-comparatively honest. I could never use money I had not made honestly-I could only lend it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Honesty Quotes , Use Quotes

Against a diseased imagination demonstration goes for nothing.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Imagination Quotes , Atheism Quotes

For we were little Christian children and early learned the value of forbidden fruit.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Christian Quotes , Children Quotes

It's lovely to live on a raft. We had the sky up there, all speckled with stars, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss about whether they was made or only just happened.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Stars Quotes , Sky Quotes

I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Money Quotes , Writing Quotes

If smoking cigars is not permitted in heaven, I won''t go.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heaven Quotes , Smoking Quotes

Darwin abolished special creations, contributed the Origin of Species and hitched all life together in one unbroken procession of Siamese Twins, the whole evolved by natural and orderly processes from one microscopic parent germ.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Science Quotes

The church is always trying to get other people to reform, it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little, by way of example

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Ideas Quotes

I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Achievement Quotes

An injurious truth has no merit over an injurious lie. Neither should ever be uttered. The man who speaks an injurious truth, lest his soul be not saved if he do otherwise, should reflect that that sort of a soul is not strictly worth saving.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Truth Quotes , Lying Quotes