Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I don't believe there is anything in the whole earth that you can't learn in Berlin except the German language.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Believe Quotes , German Language Quotes

There's some human instinct which makes a man treasure what he is not to make any use of, because everybody does not possess it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Doe Quotes

When someone dies, it is like when your house burns down; it isn't for years that you realize the full extent of your loss.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Grief Quotes , Loss Quotes

Optimist: Person who travels on nothing from nowhere to happiness.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Happiness Quotes , Optimistic Quotes

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

There is nothing in the world like a persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus and upset the convictions and debauch the emotions of an audience not practiced in the tricks and delusions of oratory

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Upset Quotes , Oratory Quotes

I saw men whom thirty years had changed but slightly; but their wives had grown old. These were good women; it is very wearing to be good.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Years Quotes

Manifestly, dying is nothing to a really great and brave man.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Death Quotes , Men Quotes

Right is right, and wrong is wrong, and a body ain’t got no business doing wrong when he ain’t ignorant and knows better.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ignorant Quotes , Body Quotes

A lie can make it half way around the world before the truth has time to put its boots on.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Time Quotes , Lying Quotes

I believe I have no prejudices whatsoever. All I need to know is that a man is a member of the human race. That's bad enough for me.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Believe Quotes , Men Quotes

Learn from the mistakes of others - you won't live long enough to make them all yourself. He's opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer him the position.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Mistake Quotes , Long Quotes

In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Ideas Quotes

I am admonished in many ways that time is pushing me inexorably along. I am approaching the threshold of age; in 1977 I shall be 142. This is no time to be flitting about the earth. I must cease from the activities proper to youth and begin to take on the dignities and gravities and inertia proper to that season of honorable senility which is on its way.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Age Quotes , Earth Quotes

What do you think of the human mind? I mean, in case you think there is a human mind.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Mean Quotes , Thinking Quotes

We wish to learn all the curious, outlandish ways of all the different countries, so that we can "show off" and astonish people when we get home. We wish to excite the envy of our untraveled friends with our strange foreign fashions which we can't shake off.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Fashion Quotes

Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, and over these ideals they dispute-but they all worship money.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Money Quotes , Hero Quotes

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

A friend is someone who stays in when the rest of the world has gone out.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Flower Quotes , Gone Quotes