Mark Twain Quotes, Sunday Quotes, America Quotes

There is no family in America without a clock, and consequently there is no fair pretext for the usual Sunday medley of dreadful sounds that issues from our steeples.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sunday Quotes , America Quotes

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I'm all for prosperity. It's change I object to.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Prosperity Quotes

I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Humorous Quotes

History has tried hard to teach us that we can't have good government under politicians. Now, to go and stick one at the very head of the government couldn't be wise.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Wise Quotes , Government Quotes

The existing phrasebooks are inadequate. They are well enough as far as they go, but when you fall down and skin your leg they don't tell you what to say.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fall Quotes , Skins Quotes

...fry me an optimist for breakfast.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Optimistic Quotes , Breakfast Quotes

I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Idiot Quotes , Congress Quotes

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sorry Quotes , Greatness Quotes

the rumors of the White Sox demise are greatly exaggerated.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , White Quotes , Rumor Quotes

The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Age Quotes , Aging Quotes

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Good Life Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

I do not like an injurious lie, except when it injures somebody else.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I am living a new and exalted life of late. It steeps me in a sacred rapture to see a portrait develop and take soul under my hand. First, I throw off a study - just a mere study, a few apparently random lines - and to look at it you would hardly ever suspect who it was going to be; even I cannot tell, myself.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hands Quotes , Soul Quotes

There is more real pleasure to be gotten out of a malicious act, where your heart is in it, than out of thirty acts of a nobler sort.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Real Quotes , Heart Quotes

when we badly want a thing, we go to hunting for good and righteous reasons for it; we give it that fine name to comfort our consciences, whereas we privately know we are only hunting for plausible ones.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hunting Quotes , Names Quotes

What do you think of the human mind? I mean, in case you think there is a human mind.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Mean Quotes , Thinking Quotes

But we are all insane, anyway ... The suicides seem to be the only sane people.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Suicide Quotes , Suicidal Quotes