Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Chastity - you can carry it too far.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The two Testaments are interesting, each in its own way. The Old one gives us a picture of these people's Deity as he was before he got religion, the other one gives us a picture of him as he appeared afterward.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Two Quotes , People Quotes

Whenever a copyright law is to be made or altered, then the idiots assemble.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Law Quotes , Idiot Quotes

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. "It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for certain that just ain't true." Thinking that you know the future.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Finding Yourself Quotes

Doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Animal Quotes , Differences Quotes

To do something, say something, see something, before anybody else -- these are things that confer a pleasure compared with which other pleasures are tame and commonplace, other ecstasies cheap and trivial.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Justice Quotes , Pleasure Quotes

It used to be a good hotel, but that proves nothing - I used to be a good boy.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Boys Quotes , Used Quotes

I'm the only person who has ever found the right way to build an autobiography.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Way Quotes , Found Quotes

There was a great difference in boats, of course. For a long time I was on a boat that was so slow we used to forget what year it was we left port in.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Years Quotes , Differences Quotes

[On Dutch flat poetry]: It is too smooth and blubbery; it reads like butter-milk gurgling from a jug.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Jugs Quotes , Dutch Quotes

All generalizations are false, including this one.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

Dates are hard to remember because they consist of figures; figures are monotonously unstriking in appearance, and they don't take hold, they form no pictures, and so they give the eye no chance to help. Pictures are the thing. Pictures can make dates stick.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Eye Quotes , Giving Quotes

We don't cut up when mad men are bred by the old legitimate regular stock religions, but we can't allow wildcat religions to indulge in such disastrous experiments.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Cutting Quotes , Men Quotes

You can't throw too much style into a miracle.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Miracle Quotes , Style Quotes

Man is the only slave. And he is the only animal who enslaves. He has always been a slave in one form or another, and has always held other slaves in bondage under him in one way or another. In our day, he is always some man's slave for wages, and does that man's work; and this slave has other slaves under him for minor wages, and they do his work. The higher animals are the only ones who exclusively do their own work and provide their own living.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Animal Quotes , Men Quotes

The southerner talks music.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes

Tell the truth or trump-but get the trick.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Truth Quotes , Honesty Quotes