Mark Twain Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes, Lying Quotes

You take the lies out of him, and he'll shrink to the size of your hat; you take the malice out of him, and he'll disappear.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Lying Quotes

When it comes down to pure ornamental cursing, the native American is gifted above the sons of men.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Native American Quotes , Son Quotes

If a person offends you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance, and hit him with a brick.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Doubt Quotes , Watches Quotes

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Well, my book is written-let it go. But if it were only to write over again there wouldn't be so many things left out. They burn in me; and they keep multiplying; but now they can't ever be said. And besides, they would require a library-and a pen warmed up in hell.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Letting Go Quotes , Book Quotes

Most men die at 27, we just bury them at 72.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes

In early times some sufferer had to sit up with a toothache, and he put in the time inventing the German language.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , German Language Quotes , Awful Quotes

Let your secret sympathies and your compassion be always with the under dog in the fight -- this is magnanimity; but bet on the other one -- this is business.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dog Quotes , Business Quotes

At noon I observed a bevy of nude young native women bathing in the sea, and I went and sat down on their clothes to keep them from being stolen.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sea Quotes , Clothes Quotes

There are two types of speakers: those that are nervous and those that are liars.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Liars Quotes , Two Quotes

I think a compliment ought always to precede a complaint, where one is possible, because it softens resentment and insures for the complaint a courteous and gentle reception.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Complaining Quotes

Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Frogs Quotes , Ends Quotes

Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Half Quotes

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Wisdom Quotes , Country Quotes

I am the entire human race compacted together. I have found that there is no ingredient of the race which I do not possess in either a small way or a large way.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Race Quotes , Together Quotes

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Taken Quotes , Sleep Quotes

I have been scientifically studying the traits and dispositions of the "lower animals" (so-called,) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result profoundly humiliating to me. For it obliges me to renounce my allegiance to the Darwinian theory of the Ascent of Man from the Lower Animals; since it now seems plain to me that that theory ought to be vacated in favor of a new and truer one, this new and truer one to be named the Descent of Man from the Higher Animals.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Science Quotes , Animal Quotes

I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heart Quotes , Wish Quotes

No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Trust Quotes

[On Dutch flat poetry]: It is too smooth and blubbery; it reads like butter-milk gurgling from a jug.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Jugs Quotes , Dutch Quotes