Mark Twain Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term.

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Every time I read a Jane Austen novel, I feel like a bartender at the gates of heaven.

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Who would find out that I am a natural fool if I kept always cool and never let nature come to the surface? Nobody.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fool Quotes , Natural Quotes

My first American ancestor, gentlemen, was an Indian-an early Indian. Your ancestors skinned him alive, and I am an orphan. All those Salem witches were ancestors of mine. Your people made it tropical for them. . . . The first slave brought into New England out of Africa was an ancestor of mine-for I am a mixed breed, an infinitely shaded and exquisite Mongrel.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , People Quotes , Gentleman Quotes

Humor is tragedy plus time.

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Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

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Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

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Only he who has seen better days and lives to see better days again knows their full value.

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The average American's simplest and commonest form of breakfast consists of coffee and beefsteak.

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Prosperity is the best protector of principle.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Political Quotes , Principles Quotes

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also. I would not interfere with any one's religion, either to strengthen it or to weaken it. I am not able to believe one's religion can affect his hereafter one way or the other, no matter what that religion may be. But it may easily be a great comfort to him in this life-hence it is a valuable possession to him.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Believe Quotes , Men Quotes

If work were so pleasant, the rich would keep it for themselves.

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Politicians, old buildings, and prostitutes become respectable with age.

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The only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction needs to be credible.

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I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.

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Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from making bad decisions.

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Man is the only religious animal. In the Holy task of smoothing his brother's path to the happiness of heaven, he has turned the globe into a graveyard.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Brother Quotes

The unspoken word is capital. We can invest it or we can squander it.

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Every one knew he could foretell wars and famines, though that was not so hard, for there was always a war, and generally a famine somewhere.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , War Quotes , Famine Quotes