Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

It is no harm to be an ass, if one is content to bray and not kick.

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Man can seldom - very, very, seldom - fight a winning fight against his training; the odds are too heavy.

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You can't throw too much style into a miracle.

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My memory was never loaded with anything but blank cartridges.

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...ignorant as the unborne babe! ignorant as unborn twins!

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No man that has ever lived has done a thing to please God--primarily. It was done to please himself, then God next.

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When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Life Quotes , Life Lesson Quotes

Let us consider that we are all partially insane. It will explain us to each other; it will unriddle many riddles; it will make clear and simple many things which are involved in haunting and harassing difficulties and obscurities now.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Simple Quotes , Insanity Quotes

Optimist: day-dreamer in his small clothes.

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It is more trouble to make a maxim than it is to do right.

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Hunger is the handmaid of genius

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All I care to know about a man is that he is a human being... he can't be any worse.

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The radical of one century is the conservative of the next.

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A man can be a Christian or a patriot, but he can't legally be a Christian and a patriot - except in the usual way: one of the two with the mouth, the other with the heart.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Christian Quotes , Heart Quotes

Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of proportion a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size.

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That optimist of yours is always ready to turn hell's backyard into a play-ground.

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I believe I have no prejudices whatsoever. All I need to know is that a man is a member of the human race. That's bad enough for me.

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For the majority of us, the past is a regret, the future an experiment

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Regret Quotes , Future Quotes

Man has been here 32,000 years. That it took a hundred million years to prepare the world for him is proof that that is what it was done for. I suppose it is, I dunno. If The Eiffel Tower were now to represent the world's age, the skin of paint on the pinnacle knob at its summit would represent man's share of that age; and anybody would perceive that the skin was what the tower was built for. I reckon they would, I dunno.

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Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours. When you make a decision to "be" a particular way, you can count on change and external circumstances to come along which will challenge that decision. Remain vigilant after declaring a major decision and manage yourself in relationship to the goal. Set up structures that support you staying on target.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Life Quotes , Support You Quotes