Mark Twain Quotes

Oh Death where is thy sting! It has none. But life has.

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The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's.

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Canadian girls are so pretty it's a relief now and then to see a plain one.

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Every man is a moon and has a side which he turns toward nobody: you have to slip around behind it if you want to see it.

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My parents were neither very poor nor conspicuously honest.

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Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience - 4000 critics.

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A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't.

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What work I have done I have done because it has been play. If it had been work I shouldn't have done it.

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Schoolboy days are no happier than the days of afterlife, but we look back upon them regretfully because we have forgotten our punishments at school and how we grieved when our marbles were lost and our kites destroyed – because we have forgotten all the sorrows and privations of the canonized ethic and remember only its orchard robberies, its wooden-sword pageants, and its fishing holidays.

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If work were so pleasant, the rich would keep it for themselves.

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Experience is an author's most valuable asset; experience is the thing that puts the muscle and the breath and the warm blood into the book he writes.

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Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute.

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The truth hurts, but silence kills.

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Priapism is what happens when someone gets strangulated to the point of hypoxia.

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There is no humor in heaven.

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Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Mistake Quotes , Apples Quotes

The motto stated a lie. If this nation has ever trusted in God, that time has gone by; for nearly half a century almost its entire trust has been in the Republican party and the dollar--mainly the dollar. I recognize that I am only making an assertion and furnishing no proof; I am sorry, but this is a habit of mine; sorry also that I am not alone in it; everybody seems to have this disease.

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Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

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We are always too busy for our children; we never give them the time or interest they deserve. We lavish gifts upon them; but the most precious gift, our personal association, which means so much to them, we give grudgingly.

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When in doubt, tell the truth. That maxim I did invent, but never expected it to be applied to me. I did say, "When you are in doubt," but when I am in doubt myself I use more sagacity.

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