Mark Twain Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

If you should rear a duck in the heart of the Sahara, no doubt it would swim if you brought it to the Nile.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heart Quotes , Swimming Quotes

I have seen an entire family lifted out of poverty and into affluence by the simple boon of a broken leg. I have had people come to me on crutches, with tears in their eyes, to bless this beneficient institution. In all my experiences of life, I have seen nothing so seraphic as the look that comes into a freshly mutilated man's face when he feels in his vest pocket with his remaining hand and finds his accident ticket all right.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Eye Quotes , Simple Quotes

Old habits cannot be thrown out the upstairs window. They have to be coaxed downstairs one step at a time.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Old Habits Quotes , Steps Quotes

Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Atheist Quotes , Believe Quotes

What a man sees in the human race is merely himself in the deep and honest privacy of his own heart. Byron despised the race because he despised himself. I feel as Byron did, and for the same reason.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heart Quotes , Men Quotes

People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being made.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Law Quotes , People Quotes

The reason most people don't go to church is because they've already been.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Christian Quotes , People Quotes

A sound heart is a surer guide than an ill-trained conscience.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heart Quotes , Sound Quotes

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

If you want me to give you a two-hour presentation, I am ready today. If you want only a five-minute speech, it will take me two weeks to prepare.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Two Quotes , Giving Quotes

Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Educational Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

I don't want my girl to be so skinny she can knife me with her knee.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Girl Quotes , Knives Quotes

Do right and you will be conspicuous.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes

Was it my conspicuousness that distressed me? Not at all. It was merely that I was not beautifully conspicuous but uglily conspicuous - it makes all the difference in the world.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Differences Quotes , World Quotes

It takes a heap of sense to write good nonsense

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Writing Quotes

It has taken a weary long time to persuade American Presbyterians to give up infant damnation and try to bear it the best they can.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Giving Up Quotes , Taken Quotes

A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lame Quotes , Trials Quotes

It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing through one's head.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Forever Quotes

Travel is fatal to bigotry.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes