Leo Tolstoy Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them.

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Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.

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Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and it holds the world together.

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I read the newspaper.

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Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Lawyers have been known to wrest from reluctant juries triumphant verdicts of acquittal for their clients, even when those clients, as often happens, were clearly and unmistakably innocent.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Humor Quotes , Law Quotes

...nothing so liberalizes a man and expands the kindly instincts that nature put in him as travel and contact with many kinds of people.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Travel Quotes , Humor Quotes

On this National Day of Prayer and Remembrance, we ask almighty God to watch over our nation, and grant us patience and resolve in all that is to come. We pray that He will comfort and console those who now walk in sorrow. We thank Him for each life we now must mourn, and the promise of a life to come.

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We will allow private and religious groups to compete to provide services in every federal, state and local social program.

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The woman who knew that I had dyslexia - I never interviewed her.

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Keep good relations with the Grecians.

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We will keep a commitment to pluralism and not discriminate for or against Methodist or Mormons or Muslims or good people with no faith at all.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Humor Quotes , Commitment Quotes

This is a world that is much more uncertain than the past. In the past we were certain, we were certain it was us versus the Russians in the past. We were certain, and therefore we had huge nuclear arsenals aimed at each other to keep the peace. That's what we were certain of... You see, even though it's an uncertain world, we're certain of some things. We're certain that even though the "evil empire" may have passed, evil still remains.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Humor Quotes , Past Quotes

If he's - the inference is that somehow he thinks slavery is a - is a noble institution I would - I would strongly reject that assumption - that John Ashcroft is a openminded, inclusive person.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Humor Quotes , Thinking Quotes

It is time to set aside the old partisan bickering and finger-pointing and name-calling that comes from freeing parents to make different choices for their children.

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When once you have got hold of a vulgar joke, you may be certain that you have got hold of a subtle and spiritual idea.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Spiritual Quotes , Humor Quotes

I have a different vision of leadership. A leadership is someone who brings people together.

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The important question is, how many hands have I shaked?

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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

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Our democratic faith is more than the creed of our country, it is the inborn hope of our humanity, an ideal we carry but do not own, a trust we bear and pass along. And even after nearly 225 years, we have a long way yet to travel.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Country Quotes , Humor Quotes