Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Scotland Quotes, America Quotes

KILT, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.

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A popular vote to ascertain the will of the sovereign.

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QUOTIENT, n. A number showing how many times a sum of money belonging to one person is contained in the pocket of another - usually about as many times as it can be got there.

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REFERENDUM, n. A law for submission of proposed legislation to a popular vote to learn the nonsensus of public opinion.

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A subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship . . . . [H]is master works for the means wherewith to purchase the idle wag of the Solomonic tail, seasoned with a look of tolerant recognition.

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REAR, n. In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.

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ABNORMAL, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested. Wherefore the lexicographer adviseth a striving toward the straiter [sic] resemblance of the Average Man than he hath to himself. Whoso attaineth thereto shall have peace, the prospect of death and the hope of Hell.

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Irreligion - the principal one of the great faiths of the world.

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A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved at Mecca. The patriarch had perhaps asked the archangel for bread.

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LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to light lovers - particularly to those who love not wisely but other men's wives.

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When prosperous the fool trembles for the evil that is to come; in adversity the philosopher smiles for the good that he has had.

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Wisdom is known only by contrasting it with folly; by shadow only we perceive that all visible objects are not flat. Yet Philanthropos would abolish evil!

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Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.

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PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.

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MANNA, n. A food miraculously given to the Israelites in the wilderness. When it was no longer supplied to them they settled down and tilled the soil, fertilizing it, as a rule, with the bodies of the original occupants.

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Homicide, /n./ The slaying of one human by another. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain whether he died by one kind or another - the classification is for the advantage of the lawyers.

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prospect, n. An outlook, usually forbidding. An expectation, usually forbidden.

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Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.

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I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

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TALK, v.t. To commit an indiscretion without temptation, from an impulse without purpose.

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