Ambrose Bierce Quotes

Twice – Once too often.

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gratitude, n. A sentiment lying midway between a benefit received and a benefit expected.

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Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.

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YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the Southern States the word is unknown.

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REFLECTION,n: An Action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the perils that we shall not again encounter

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A popular vote to ascertain the will of the sovereign.

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Backbite: To ''speak of a man as you find him'' when he can't find you.

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GUNPOWDER, n. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted.

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Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

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Erudition - dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.

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MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.

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Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.

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RIBALDRY, n. Censorious language by another concerning oneself.

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PRESIDE, v. To guide the action of a deliberative body to a desirable result. In Journalese, to perform upon a musical instrument; as, "He presided at the piccolo."

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FREEBOOTER, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude.

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PLATITUDE, n. The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. All that is mortal of a departed truth. A jelly-fish withering on the shore of the sea of thought. A desiccated epigram.

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When you doubt, abstain.

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LOGOMACHY, n. A war in which the weapons are words and the wounds punctures in the swim-bladder of self-esteem - a kind of contest in which, the vanquished being unconscious of defeat, the victor is denied the reward of success.

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NON-COMBATANT, n. A dead Quaker.

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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.

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