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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- PRESIDE, v. To guide the action of a deliberative body to a desirable result. In Journalese, to perform upon a musical instrument; as, "He presided at the piccolo."
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- ZEUS /n./ The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog.
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- BEG, v. To ask for something with an earnestness proportioned to the belief that it will not be given.
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- A revolution is a violent change of mismanagement.
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- STORY, n. A narrative, commonly untrue. The truth of the stories here following has, however, not been successfully impeached.
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- Good-bye -- if you hear of my being stood up against a stone wall and shot to rags please know that I think that a pretty good way to depart this life. It beats old age, disease or falling down the cellar stairs.
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- PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
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- REPARATION, n. Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted from the satisfaction felt in committing it.
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- The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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- VIRTUES, n.pl. Certain abstentions.
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- RICH, adj. Holding in trust and subject to an accounting the property of the indolent, the incompetent, the unthrifty, the envious and the luckless.
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- They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
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- SATIETY, n. The feeling that one has for the plate after he has eaten its contents, madam.
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- PITIFUL, adj. The state of an enemy or opponent after an imaginary encounter with oneself.
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- PREHISTORIC, adj. Belonging to an early period and a museum. Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood.
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- ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
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- Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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- POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.
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- An immaterial but visible being that inhabited the air when the air was an element and before it was fatally polluted with factory smoke, sewer gas and similar products of civilization.
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- PREDESTINATION, n. The doctrine that all things occur according to programme. . . . not be confused with that of foreordination. The difference is great enough to have deluged Christendom with ink, to say nothing of the gore.
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