Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Crazy Quotes, Pride Quotes

Certain old men prefer to rise at dawn, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Crazy Quotes , Pride Quotes

Good-bye -- if you hear of my being stood up against a stone wall and shot to rags please know that I think that a pretty good way to depart this life. It beats old age, disease or falling down the cellar stairs.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Wall Quotes , Fall Quotes

Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Rights Quotes , Two Nations Quotes

Along the road of life are many pleasure resorts, but think not that by tarrying in them you will take more days to the journey. The day of your arrival is already recorded.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Life Quotes , Journey Quotes

HUMORIST, n. A plague that would have softened down the hoar austerity of Pharaoh's heart and persuaded him to dismiss Israel with his best wishes, cat-quick.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Heart Quotes , Cat Quotes

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

In theology, the state of a luckless mortal prenatally damned. The doctrine of reprobation was taught by Calvin, whose joy in it was somewhat marred by the sad sincerity of his conviction that although some are foredoomed to perdition, others are predestined to salvation.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Joy Quotes , Atheism Quotes

LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Life Quotes , Spiritual Quotes

PYRRHONISM- An ancient philosophy, named for its inventor. It consisted of an absolute disbelief in everything but Pyrrhonism. Its modern professors have added that.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Philosophy Quotes , Ancient Quotes

Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Clever Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

WINE, n.Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as "liquor," sometimes as "rum." Wine, madam, is God's next best gift to man.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Christian Quotes , Food Quotes

me, pro. The objectionable case of I. The personal pronoun in English has three cases, the dominative, the objectionable and the oppressive. Each is all three.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Ego Quotes , Three Quotes

COMFORT, n. A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Mind Quotes , Comfort Quotes

Suddenly to change one's opinions and go over to another party. The most notable flop on record was that of Saul of Tarsus, who has been severely criticised as a turn-coat by some of our partisan journals.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Change Quotes , Art Quotes

YOUTH, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Life Quotes , Cities Quotes

To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.

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Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

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An army's bravest men are its cowards. The death which they would not meet at the hands of the enemy they will meet at the hands of their officers, with never a flinching.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Army Quotes , Men Quotes

EXHORT, v.t. In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Religious Quotes , Nuts Quotes

Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Literature Quotes , World Quotes