Ambrose Bierce Quotes

PENITENT, adj. Undergoing or awaiting punishment.

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Gout, a physician's name for the rheumatism of a rich patient

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NOUMENON, n. That which exists, as distinguished from that which merely seems to exist, the latter being a phenomenon. The noumenon is a bit difficult to locate; it can be apprehended only by a process of reasoning - which is a phenomenon.

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Erudition - dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.

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Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

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PUSH, n. One of the two things mainly conducive to success, especially in politics. The other is Pull.

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HIBERNATE, v. i. To pass the winter season in domestic seclusion. There have been many singular popular notions about the hibernation of various animals. Many believe that the bear hibernates during the whole winter and subsists by mechanically sucking its paws. It is admitted that it comes out of its retirement in the spring so lean that it has to try twice before it can cast a shadow.

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WAR, n. A by-product of the arts of peace. The most menacing political condition is a period of international amity.

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actually, adv. Perhaps; possibly.

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Alien - an American sovereign in his probationary state.

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Die: To stop sinning suddenly.

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A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.

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NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

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Condole - to show that bereavement is a smaller evil than sympathy.

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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

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MONARCH, n. A person engaged in reigning. Formerly the monarch ruled, as the derivation of the word attests, and as many subjects have had occasion to learn.

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CALUMNUS, n. A graduate of the School for Scandal.

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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

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RECOUNT, n. In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.

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PIGMY, n. One of a tribe of very small men found by ancient travelers in many parts of the world, but by modern in Central Africa only. The Pigmies are so called to distinguish them from the bulkier Caucasians - who are Hogmies.

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