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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- STORY, n. A narrative, commonly untrue. The truth of the stories here following has, however, not been successfully impeached.
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- Opportunity: A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
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- Funeral: a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.
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- Here's to woman! Would that we could fold into her arms without falling into her hands.
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- REPLICA, n. A reproduction of a work of art, by the artist that made the original. It is so called to distinguish it from a "copy," which is made by another artist. When the two are mae with equal skill the replica is the more valuable, for it is suppose
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- Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability.
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- WASHINGTONIAN, n. A Potomac tribesman who exchanged the privilege of governing himself for the advantage of good government. In justice to him it should be said that he did not want to.
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- Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
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- PROOF, n. Evidence having a shade more of plausibility than of unlikelihood. The testimony of two credible witnesses as opposed to that of only one.
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- As a means of dispensing formulated ignorance our boasted public school system is not without merit; it spreads out education sufficiently thin to give everyone enough to make him a more competent fool than he would have been without it.
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- BODY-SNATCHER, n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker.
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- He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.
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- Think twice before you speak to a friend in need
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- There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
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- ZEUS /n./ The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog.
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- Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.
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- PIGMY, n. One of a tribe of very small men found by ancient travelers in many parts of the world, but by modern in Central Africa only. The Pigmies are so called to distinguish them from the bulkier Caucasians - who are Hogmies.
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- CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.
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- REFERENDUM, n. A law for submission of proposed legislation to a popular vote to learn the nonsensus of public opinion.
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- Christian - One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
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