Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Art Quotes, Nature Quotes

REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Art Quotes , Nature Quotes

ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . .

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Life Quotes , Death Quotes

Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Dog Quotes , Literature Quotes

OYSTER, n. A slimy, gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the hardihood to eat without removing its entrails! The shells are sometimes given to the poor.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Food Quotes , Men Quotes

IDLENESS, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Growth Quotes , Devil Quotes

INFALAPSARIAN, n. One who ventures to believe that Adam need not have sinned unless he had a mind to - in opposition to the Supralapsarians, who hold that that luckless person's fall was decreed from the beginning.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Believe Quotes , Fall Quotes

True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.

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General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.

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Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.

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Economy, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Needs Quotes , Cows Quotes

PERORATION, n. The explosion of an oratorical rocket. It dazzles, but to an observer having the wrong kind of nose its most conspicuous peculiarity is the smell of the several kinds of powder used in preparing it.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Kindness Quotes , Smell Quotes

A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves. He is like the lower end of a suspended chain; you can sway him slightly to the right or the left, but remove your hand and he falls into line with the other links.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Fall Quotes , Men Quotes

LINEN, n. "A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp, entails a great waste of hemp."

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Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.

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Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

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New York is too strenuous for me; it gets on my nerves.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , New York Quotes

As records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and in law. Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute of value.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Powerful Quotes , Law Quotes

An appellate court which reverses the judgment of a popular author's contemporaries, the appellant being his obscure competitor.

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HYDRA, n. A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads.

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The ghost is the outward and visible signs of an inward fear.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Fear Quotes , Inward Quotes