Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Guilt Quotes, Hats Quotes

Aristocrats: n. fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts - guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts.

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resolute, adj. Obstinate in a course that we approve.

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Truth is so good a thing that falsehood can not afford to be without it.

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HEART, n. Figuratively, this useful organ is said to be the seat of emotions and sentiments . . . . It is now known that sentiments and emotions reside in the stomach, being evolved from food by chemical action of the gastric fluid.

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A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that.

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Adolescence: A stage between infancy and adultery.

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WHEAT, n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can be made; . . . also for bread. The French are said to eat more bread "per capita" of population than any other people, which is natural, for only they know how to make the stuff palatable.

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A violin is the revenge exacted by the intestines of a dead cat.

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MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.

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I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.

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HURRICANE, n. An atmospheric demonstration once very common but now generally abandoned for the tornado and cyclone. The hurricane is still in popular use in the West Indies and is preferred by certain old- fashioned sea-captains.

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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.

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REPARTEE, n. Prudent insult in retort. Practiced by gentlemen with a constitutional aversion to violence, but a strong disposition to offend. In a war of words, the tactics of the North American Indian.

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Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.

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POCKET, n. The cradle of motive and the grave of conscience. In woman this organ is lacking; so she acts without motive, and her conscience, denied burial, remains ever alive, confessing the sins of others.

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EXHORT, v.t. In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort.

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ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

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adore, v.t. To venerate expectantly.

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Occident: The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call war and commerce. These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient.

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UXORIOUSNESS, n. A perverted affection that has strayed to one's own wife.

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