Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Science Quotes, Planning Quotes

To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.

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Occident: The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call war and commerce. These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient.

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HOMILETICS, n. The science of adapting sermons to the spiritual needs, capacities and conditions of the congregation.

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OATH, n. In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury.

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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

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A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.

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IMPALE, v.t. In popular usage, to pierce with any weapon which remains fixed in the wound . . . . properly, to put to death by thrusting an upright sharp stake into the body, the victim being left in a sitting position.

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Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.

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WEAKNESSES, n.pl. Certain primal powers of Tyrant Woman wherewith she holds dominion over the male of her species, binding him to the service of her will and paralyzing his rebellious energies.

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HERMIT, n. A person whose vices and follies are not sociable.

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If you would be accounted great by your contemporaries, be not too much greater than they.

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Impartial - unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy.

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Nothing is more logical than persecution. Religious tolerance is a kind of infidelity.

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I think I think, therefore I think I am.

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POLICE, n. An armed force for protection and participation.

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WASHINGTONIAN, n. A Potomac tribesman who exchanged the privilege of governing himself for the advantage of good government. In justice to him it should be said that he did not want to.

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Duty - that which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.

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ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke.

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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

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It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when thrust into the affairs of others from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.

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