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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- REAR, n. In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.
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- Dictionary: a malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic
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- Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
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- Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
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- Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
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- POSITIVISM- A philosophy that denies our knowledge of the Real and affirms our ignorance of the Apparent. Its longest exponent is Comte, its broadest Mill and its thickest Spencer.
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- I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.
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- INTIMACY, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.
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- Homicide, /n./ The slaying of one human by another. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain whether he died by one kind or another - the classification is for the advantage of the lawyers.
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- REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.
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- MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important.
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- PHOTOGRAPH, n. A picture painted by the sun without instruction in art. It is a little better than the work of an Apache, but not quite so good as that of a Cheyenne.
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- An appellate court which reverses the judgment of a popular author's contemporaries, the appellant being his obscure competitor.
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- MONOSYLLABIC, adj. Composed of words of one syllable . . . Commonly Saxon - that is to say, words of a barbarous people destitute of ideas and incapable of any but the most elementary sentiments and emotions.
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- ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Musca maledicta"). The father of Zoology was Aristotle, as is universally conceded, but the name of its mother has not come down to us.
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- Achievement; the death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.
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- They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
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- When among the graves of thy fellows, walk with circumspection; thine own is open at thy feet.
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- RETRIBUTION, n. A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by evicting them.
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- HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
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