Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Funny Quotes, Dog Quotes

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhorsed knight that he was mortal.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Knights Quotes , Feet Quotes

WITCH, n. (1) Any ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Beautiful Quotes , Women Quotes

GOOSE, n. A bird that supplies quills for writing. These, by some occult process of nature, are penetrated and suffused with various degrees of the bird's intellectual energies and emotional character, so that when inked and drawn mechanically across paper by a person called an "author," there results a very fair and accurate transcript of the fowl's thought and feeling. The difference in geese, as discovered by this ingenious method, is considerable: many are found to have only trivial and insignificant powers, but some are seen to be very great geese indeed.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Writing Quotes , Character Quotes

Slang is a foul pool at which every dunce fills his bucket, and then sets up as a fountain.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Buckets Quotes , Pool Quotes

INGRATE, n. One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Ingrates Quotes , Benefits Quotes

MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Important Quotes , Existence Quotes

Empty wine bottles have a bad opinion of women.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Food Quotes , Wine Quotes

ASPERSE, v.t. Maliciously to ascribe to another vicious actions which one has not had the temptation and opportunity to commit.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Opportunity Quotes , Temptation Quotes

Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Country Quotes , People Quotes

PHILISTINE, n. One whose mind is the creature of its environment, following the fashion in thought, feeling and sentiment. He is sometimes learned, frequently prosperous, commonly clean and always solemn.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Fashion Quotes , Learning Quotes

There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Learning Quotes , Science Quotes

Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Food Quotes , Wine Quotes

MOUTH, n. In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Heart Quotes , Men Quotes

Impartial - unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Promise Quotes , Literature Quotes

Here's to woman! Would that we could fold into her arms without falling into her hands.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Love Quotes , Women Quotes

PROPERTY, n. Any material thing, having no particular value, that may be held by A against the cupidity of B. Whatever gratifies the passion for possession in one and disappoints it in all others. The object of man's brief rapacity and long indifference.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Passion Quotes

DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Fear Quotes , Generosity Quotes

EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Future Quotes

The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Country Quotes , Character Quotes