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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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- General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.
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- Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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- Adolescence: A stage between infancy and adultery.
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- A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves. He is like the lower end of a suspended chain; you can sway him slightly to the right or the left, but remove your hand and he falls into line with the other links.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Fall Quotes , Men Quotes
- Honorable, adj.: Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach. In legislative bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, "the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur.".
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- MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important.
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- An archbishop is an ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.
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- ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution.
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- Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact.
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- ASPERSE, v.t. Maliciously to ascribe to another vicious actions which one has not had the temptation and opportunity to commit.
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- Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
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- DAY, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. This period is divided into two parts, the day proper and the night, or day improper - the former devoted to sins of business, the latter consecrated to the other sort.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Business Quotes , Night Quotes
- SACERDOTALIST, n. One who holds the belief that a clergyman is a priest. Denial of this momentous doctrine is the hardest challenge that is now flung into the teeth of the Episcopalian church by the Neo-Dictionarians.
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- Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
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- Appetite, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.
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- ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke.
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- READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in "dialect" and humor in slang.
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- Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
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- An immaterial but visible being that inhabited the air when the air was an element and before it was fatally polluted with factory smoke, sewer gas and similar products of civilization.
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