Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Weather Quotes, Kind Quotes

Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

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An army's bravest men are its cowards. The death which they would not meet at the hands of the enemy they will meet at the hands of their officers, with never a flinching.

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SARCOPHAGUS, n. Among the Greeks a coffin which being made of a certain kind of carnivorous stone, had the peculiar property of devouring the body placed in it.

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Peace in international affairs: a period of cheating between periods of fighting

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HIBERNATE, v. i. To pass the winter season in domestic seclusion. There have been many singular popular notions about the hibernation of various animals. Many believe that the bear hibernates during the whole winter and subsists by mechanically sucking its paws. It is admitted that it comes out of its retirement in the spring so lean that it has to try twice before it can cast a shadow.

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Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.

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Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.

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Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.

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Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

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Past, n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable acquaintance. A moving line called the Present parts it from an imaginary period known as the Future. These two grand divisions of Eternity, of which the one is continually effacing the other, are entirely unlike. The one is dark with sorrow and disappointment, the other bright with prosperity and joy.... Yet the Past is the Future of yesterday, the Future is the Past of to-morrow. They are one-the knowledge and the dream.

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Finance is the art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager

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Prejudice - a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.

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Noise: a stench in the ear.

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REASON, v.i. To weight probabilities in the scales of desire.

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Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.

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LINEN, n. "A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp, entails a great waste of hemp."

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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.

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Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

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OYSTER, n. A slimy, gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the hardihood to eat without removing its entrails! The shells are sometimes given to the poor.

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RAILROAD, n. The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off. For this purpose the railroad is held in highest favor by the optimist, for it permits him to make the transit with great expedition.

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