Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Love Quotes, Philosophy Quotes

PLATONIC, adj. Pertaining to the philosophy of Socrates. Platonic Love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability and a frost.

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Riven and torn with cannon-shot, the trunks of the trees protruded bunches of splinters like hands, the fingers above the wound interlacing with those below.

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CUI BONO? [Latin] What good would that do "me"?

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When prosperous the fool trembles for the evil that is to come; in adversity the philosopher smiles for the good that he has had.

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REAR, n. In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.

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We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.

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Hail, high Excess especially in wine, To thee in worship do I bend the knee Who preach abstemiousness unto me My skull thy pulpit, as my paunch thy shrine. Precept on precept, aye, and line on line, Could ne'er persuade so sweetly to agree With reason as thy touch, exact and free, Upon my forehead and along my spine. At thy command eschewing pleasure's cup, With the hot grape I warm no more my wit; When on thy stool of penitence I sit I'm quite converted, for I can't get up. Ungrateful he who afterward would falter To make new sacrifices at thine altar!

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Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

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Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.

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ORATORY, n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography.

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Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.

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Scribbler, n. A professional writer whose views are antagonistic to one's own.

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EXHORT, v.t. In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort.

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INK, n. A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic, and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime.

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Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.

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Behavior, n. Conduct, as determined, not by principle, but by breeding.

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Distress: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.

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Heaven: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound on yours.

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COMMERCE, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E.

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PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.

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