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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- PUSH, n. One of the two things mainly conducive to success, especially in politics. The other is Pull.
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- SYLLOGISM, n. A logical formula consisting of a major and a minor assumption and an inconsequent.
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- Economy, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.
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- POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.
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- VIRTUES, n.pl. Certain abstentions.
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- DIAPHRAGM, n. A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.
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- hybrid, n. A pooled issue.
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- A pessimist asked God for relief. Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness, said God. No, replied the petitioner, I wish you to create something that would justify them. The world is all created,said God, but you have overlooked something
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- A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
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- INADMISSIBLE- Not competent to be considered. Hearsay evidence is inadmissible ... but there is no religion in the world that has any other basis than hearsay evidence.
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- Pun: A form of wit, to which wise men stoop and fools aspire
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- RITE, n. A religious or semi-religious ceremony fixed by law, precept or custom, with the essential oil of sincerity carefully squeezed out of it.
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- LOGANIMITY, n. The disposition to endure injury with meek forbearance while maturing a plan of revenge.
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- Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
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- DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors.
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- UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.
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- MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.
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- Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
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- PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and imperfectly edible, even when stuffed with garlic.
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- International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smoldering one
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