Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

... I had a latent impression that there was something decidedly fine in Mr. Wopsle's elocution - not for old associations' sake, I am afraid, but because it was very slow, very dreary, very up-hill and down-hill, and very unlike any way in which any man in any natural circumstances of life or death ever expressed himself about anything.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There is no such passion in human nature, as the passion for gravy among commercial gentlemen.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

My uncle, Mr. Stephen Maple, had been at the same time the most successful and the least respectable of our family, so that we hardly knew whether to take credit for his wealth or to feel ashamed of his position.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Uncles Quotes , Humorous Quotes

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

When my cats aren't happy, I'm not happy. Not because I care about their mood but because I know they're just sitting there thinking up ways to get even.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Percy Bysshe Shelley Quotes , Happy Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Profound Quotes

Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Abraham Kaplan Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The devil is not, indeed, perfectly humorous, but that is only because he is the extreme of all humor.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Samuel Taylor Coleridge Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Devil Quotes

Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Al Bernstein Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Knowledge Quotes

I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The French complain of everything, and always.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Napoleon Bonaparte Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Indeed, so far from being humorous, the male American is the most abnormally serious creature who ever existed.. It is only fair to admit that he can exaggerate, but even his exaggeration has a rational basis. It is not founded on wit or fancy; it does not spring from any poetic imagination.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Spring Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I was always treated as if I had insisted on being born, in opposition to the dictates of reason, religion, and morality, and against the dissuadinig arguments of my best friends.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Well, I'm a bacteriologist, you know. I live in a nine-hundred-diameter microscope. I can hardly claim to take serious notice of anything that I can see with my naked eye.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Eye Quotes

Always obey your parents - when they are present.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I have my own views about Nature's methods, though I feel that it is rather like a beetle giving his

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Nature Quotes , Humorous Quotes