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Humorous Quotes
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Humorous Quotes 192
- Nothing helps scenery like bacon and eggs.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- No orator can top the one who can give good nicknames.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.
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Tags : John Donne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- ... still his philanthropy was of that gunpowderous sort that the difference between it and animosity was hard to determine.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Poetry's unnat'ral; no man ever talked poetry 'cept a beadle on boxin' day, or Warren's blackin' or Rowland's oil, or some o' them low fellows; never you let yourself down to talk poetry, my boy.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- The unexpected has happened so continually in my life that it has ceased to deserve the name.
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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes
- When my cats aren't happy, I'm not happy. Not because I care about their mood but because I know they're just sitting there thinking up ways to get even.
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Tags : Percy Bysshe Shelley Quotes , Happy Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.
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Tags : Abraham Kaplan Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are.
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Tags : Adolphus Busch Quotes , Money Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- It's just as unpleasant to get more than you bargain for as to get less.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind-the humorous.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Stories Quotes
- A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Party Quotes
- He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Indeed, it may be laid down as a general principle, that the more extended the ancestry, the greater the amount of violence and vagabondism; for in ancient days those two amusements, combining a wholesome excitement with a promising means of repairing shattered fortunes, were at once the ennobling pursuit and the healthful recreation of the Quality of this land.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling;the comic and the witty story upon the matter.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Witty Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- But soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery - go!
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Ophelia Quotes
- There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Profound Quotes