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Humorous Quotes
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Humorous Quotes 192
- I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.
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Tags : Abraham Kaplan Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- If one tends to be a humorous person and you have a sense of humor the rest of your life then you can certainly lighten the load, I think, by bringing that to your trials and tribulations. It's easy to have a sense of humor when everything is going well.
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Tags : Alan Thicke Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Thinking Quotes
- I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Ven you read the speeches in the papers, and see as vun gen'lman says of another, 'the Honourable member, if he vill allow me to call him so' you vill understand, sir, that that means, 'if he vill allow me to keep up that 'ere pleasant and uniwersal fiction.'
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I am not an economist. I am an honest man!
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Honesty Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Witty Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Profound Quotes
- In Paris, the greatest expression of personal satisfaction known to man is the smirk on the face of a male, highly pleased with himself as he leaves the boudoir of a lady.
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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Everyone is in favor of free speech. Hardly a day passes without its being extolled, but some people's idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone else says anything back, that is an outrage.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Business Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I trust that age doth not wither nor custom stale my infinite variety.
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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes
- ... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Profound Quotes
- In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble.
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Tags : Alan Perlis Quotes , Running Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- ... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are.
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Tags : Adolphus Busch Quotes , Money Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- When you get a thing the way you want it, leave it alone.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspiring Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Here is the piece. If you can't say fornicate can you say copulate or if not that can you say co-habit? If not that would have to say consummate I suppose. Use your own good taste and judgment.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- ... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Liars Quotes , Humorous Quotes