Mark Twain Quotes, Religious Quotes, Humorous Quotes

I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"There are one or two elementary rules to be observed in the way of handling patients," he remarked, seating himself on the table and swinging his legs. "The most obvious is that you must never let them see that you want them. It should be pure condescension on your part seeing them at all; and the more difficulties you throw in the way of it, the more they think of it. Break your patients in early, and keep them well to heel."

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture....He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Kindness Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

" ... It is not my desire to wound the feelings of any person with whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a hypocrite," said Mr. Pecksniff, cuttingly, "but I am not a brute."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Dombey sat in the corner of the darkened room in the great arm-chair by the bedside, and Son lay tucked up warm in a little basket bedstead, carefully disposed on a low settee immediately in front of the fire and close to it, as if his constitution were analogous to that of a muffin, and it was essential to toast him brown while he was very new.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The humorous look of children is perhaps the most endearing of all the bonds that hold the Cosmos together.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Because of its vitality, the computing field is always in desperate need of new cliches: Banality soothes our nerves.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Perlis Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Technology Quotes

"I have seen those symptoms before," said Holmes, throwing his cigarette into the fire. "Oscillation upon the pavement always means an affaire de coeur."

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Mean Quotes

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Witty Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Witty Quotes , Humorous Quotes

In particular, there was a butler in a blue coat and bright buttons, who gave quite a winey flavour to the table beer; he poured it out so superbly.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I don't even know what street Canada is on.

6 years ago

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Tags : Al Capone Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Canada Quotes

The funniest things are the forbidden.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

... still his philanthropy was of that gunpowderous sort that the difference between it and animosity was hard to determine.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

She dotes on poetry, sir. She adores it; I may say that her whole soul and mind are wound up, and entwined with it. She has produced some delightful pieces, herself, sir. You may have met with her 'Ode to an Expiring Frog,' sir.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.

5 years ago

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Tags : John Donne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Life And Love Quotes , Humorous Quotes