Hector Hugh Munro Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

I love Americans, but not when they try to talk French. What a blessing it is that they never try to talk English.

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I hate posterity - it's so fond of having the last word.

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Poverty keeps together more homes than it breaks up.

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Addresses are given to us to conceal our whereabouts.

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But, good gracious, you've got to educate him first. You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.

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The fashion just now is a Roman Catholic frame of mind with an Agnostic conscience: you get the mediaeval picturesqueness of the one with the modern conveniences of the other.

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Children are given us to discourage our better emotions.

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A woman who takes her husband about with her everywhere is like a cat that goes on playing with a mouse long after she's killed it.

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It's no use growing older if you only learn new ways of misbehaving yourself.

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To be among people who are smothered in furs when one hasn't any oneself makes one want to break most of the Commandments.

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Think how many blameless lives are brightened by the blazing indiscretions of other people.

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Great Socialist statesmen aren't made, they're still-born.

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He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

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I think oysters are more beautiful than any religion,' he resumed presently. 'They not only forgive our unkindness to them; they justify it, they incite us to go on being perfectly horrid to them. Once they arrive at the supper-table they seem to enter thoroughly into the spirit of the thing. There's nothing in Christianity or Buddhism that quite matches the sympathetic unselfishness of an oyster.

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Once a female, always a female. Nature is not always infallible but she always abides by her mistakes.

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And the vagueness of his alarm added to its terrors; when once you have taken the Impossible into your calculations its possibilities become practically limitless.

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I always say beauty is only sin deep.

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A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

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All decent people live beyond their incomes; those who aren't respectable live beyond other people's; a few gifted individuals manage to do both.

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In baiting a mousetrap with cheese, always leave room for the mouse.

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