George Bernard Shaw Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I sing, not arms and the hero, but the philosophic man: he who seeks in contemplation to discover the inner will of the world, ininvention to discover the means of fulfilling that will, and in action to do that will by the so-discovered means.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Hero Quotes , Philosophical Quotes

The British are apt to make merits of their stupidities, and to represent their various incapacities as points of good breeding.

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Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn.

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If you can’t appreciate what you’ve got, you’d better get what you can appreciate.

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Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.

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I feel nothing but the accursed happiness I have dreaded all my life long: the happiness that comes as life goes, the happiness of yielding and dreaming instead of resisting and doing, the sweetness of the fruit that is going rotten.

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Truth telling is not compatible with the defence of the realm.

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Newspaper : A device unable to distinguish between a bicycle accident and the collapse of civilisation.

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In a battle all you need to make you fight is a little hot blood and the knowledge that it's more dangerous to lose than to win.

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Where there is no religion, hypocrisy becomes good taste.

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I sold flowers. I didn't sell myself. Now you've made a lady of me I'm not fit to sell anything else.

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As I write, there is a craze for what is called psychoanalysis, or the cure of diseases by explaining to the patient what is the matter with him: an excellent plan if you happen to know what is the matter with him, especially when the explanation is that there is nothing the matter with him.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Writing Quotes , Disease Quotes

You can be a thorough-going Neo-Darwinian without imagination, metaphysics, poetry, conscience, or decency. For 'Natural Selection' has no moral significance: it deals with that part of evolution which has no purpose, no intelligence, and might more appropriately be called accidental selection, or better still, Unnatural Selection, since nothing is more unnatural than an accident. If it could be proved that the whole universe had been produced by such Selection, only fools and rascals could bear to live.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Imagination Quotes , Poetry Quotes

I myself have been particularly careful never to say a civil word to the United States. I have scoffed at their inhabitants as a nation of villagers. I have defined the 100 % American as 99 % an idiot. And they adore me.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Civilization Quotes , United States Quotes

The function of comedy is to dispelunconsciousness by turning the searchlight of the keenest moral and intellectual analysisright on to it.

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My reputation grows with every failure.

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Every drunken skipper trusts to Providence. But one of the ways of Providence with drunken skippers is to run them on the rocks.

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Though all society is founded on intolerance, all improvement is founded on tolerance.

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When domestic servants are treated as human beings it is not worth while to keep them.

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