Adam Carolla Quotes, July Quotes

It's like the Fouth of July in my underpants.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , July Quotes

I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Daughter Quotes , Mother Quotes

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I've done so much morning radio that I won't be overwhelmed by it, but it's still going to be a challenge.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Morning Quotes , Water Quotes

California is like the hot blond high school chick who's been getting by on her looks, but now she's 45 and falling apart.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Fall Quotes , School Quotes

Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Emotional Quotes , Guy Quotes

Figure out what to do, then take a nap.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They're the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math. If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife's side of the bed at night. If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Moving Quotes , Book Quotes

I have no connection with Hollywood. I'm not interested. I don't care.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hollywood Quotes , Connections Quotes

You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Names Quotes , Feelings Quotes

I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Drama Quotes

Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don't vote that way.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Leaving Quotes

I've got a great eye for color. I'm like a chick.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Eye Quotes , Color Quotes

My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Mom Quotes , Kind Quotes

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Air Quotes , Stories Quotes

Maybe it's weird, but I don't feel in any way, shape or form that I'm taking over his show.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Shapes Quotes , Way Quotes

My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Car Quotes , Life Is Quotes

If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Real Quotes , Golf Quotes

I don't like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it's the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they're pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Soccer Quotes , Coffee Quotes