Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

6 years ago

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when you recollect something which belonged in an earlier chapter, do not go back, but jam it in where you are . Discursiveness does not hurt an autobiography in the least.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hurt Quotes , Doe Quotes

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

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What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

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I am losing enough sleep to supply a worn-out army.

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A soiled baby with a neglected nose cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty.

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Satan hasn't a single salaried helper; the Opposition employs a million.

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I was born modest; not all over, but in spots.

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Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least.

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To forget pain is to be painless; to forget care is to be rid of it; to go abroad is to accomplish both.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Travel Quotes , Pain Quotes

Whatever you say, say it with conviction

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Self-approval is acquired mainly from the approval of other people.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Approval Of Others Quotes , Self Quotes

Evolution is the law of policies: Darwin said it, Socrates endorsed it, Cuvier proved it and established it for all time in his paper on The Survival of the Fittest. These are illustrious names, this is a mighty doctrine: nothing can ever remove it from its firm base, nothing dissolve it, but evolution.

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When one has tasted watermelons, one knows what angels eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took; we know it because she repented.

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The statesmen will invent cheap lies, putting the blame upon the nation that is being attacked, and every man will be glad of these conscience-soothing falsities

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , War Quotes , Lying Quotes

Germany, the diseased world's bathhouse.

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Inherently, each one of us has the substance within to achieve whatever our goals and dreams define. What is different for each of us is the training, education, knowledge and insight to utilize what we already have.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dream Quotes , Goal Quotes

By "trampling upon the helpless abroad" with unchecked surveillance, Americans have learned, "by a natural process, to endure with apathy the like at home."

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There is no family in America without a clock, and consequently there is no fair pretext for the usual Sunday medley of dreadful sounds that issues from our steeples.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sunday Quotes , America Quotes

It was in Warwick Castle that I came across the curious stranger whom I am going to talk about. He attracted me by three things: his candid simplicity, his marvelous familiarity with ancient armor, and the restfulness of his company--for he did all the talking.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Talking Quotes