Mark Twain Quotes, Optimistic Quotes, Breakfast Quotes

...fry me an optimist for breakfast.

6 years ago

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Temper is what gets most of us into trouble. Pride is what keeps us there.

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No real estate is permanently valuable but the grave.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

A few fly bites cannot stop a spirited horse.

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The poetry is all in the anticipation, for there is none in reality.

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Often a quite assified remark becomes sanctified by use and petrified by custom; it is then a permanency, its term of activity a geologic period.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Use Quotes , Periods Quotes

I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Humorous Quotes

What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Women Quotes , People Quotes

Often the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth.

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The southerner talks music.

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Damn these human beings; if I had invented them I would go hide my head in a bag.

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Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Animal Quotes

Whiskey is for drinking; water is for fighting over.

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To be satisfied with what one has; that is wealth.

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Is not this insanity plea becoming rather common? Is it not so common that the reader confidently expects to see it offered in every criminal case that comes before the courts?... Really, what we want now, is not laws against crime, but a law against insanity.

6 years ago

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It is no harm to be an ass, if one is content to bray and not kick.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed.

6 years ago

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I do see that there is an argument against suicide: the grief of the worshipers left behind, the awful famine in their hearts, these are too costly terms for the release.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Suicide Quotes , Grief Quotes

The Christian Bible is a drug store. It´s contents have remained the same but the medical practice continues. For 1,800 years these changes were slight--scarcely noticeable... The dull and ignorant physician day and night, and all the days and all the nights, drenched his patient with vast and hideous doses of the most repulsive drugs to be found in the store´s stock. He kept him religion sick for eighteen centuries, and allowed him not a well day during all that time.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Christian Quotes , Night Quotes

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes