Mark Twain Quotes, Order Quotes, Plot Quotes

Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR per G.G., CHIEF OF ORDNANCE

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Order Quotes , Plot Quotes

When I am king they shall not have bread and shelter only, but also teachings out of books, for a full belly is little worth where the mind is starved.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Kings Quotes , Teaching Quotes

I don't mind what the opposition say of me so long as they don't tell the truth about me. But when they descend to telling the truth about me I consider that this is taking an unfair advantage.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Truth Quotes , Long Quotes

There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land (and work) again after a cheerful, careless voyage.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Travel Quotes , Land Quotes

Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspiration Quotes , Vapor Quotes

When the Lord finished the world, he pronounced it good. That is what I said about my first work, too. But Time, I tell you, Time takes the confidence out of these incautious opinions. It is more than likely that He thinks about the world, now, pretty much as I think about the Innocents Abroad. The fact is, there is a trifle too much water in both.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Water Quotes

There are women who have an indefinable charm in their faces which makes them beautiful to their intimates, but a cold stranger who tried to reason the matter out and find this beauty would fail.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Beautiful Quotes , Matter Quotes

His ignorance covers the world like a blanket, and there's scarcely a hole in it anywhere.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Ignorance Quotes

Modesty antedates clothes and will be resumed when clothes are no more.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fashion Quotes , Clothes Quotes

I do love compliments, yet I'm often embarrassed to say what I think to the person when I get a compliment. I so often feel that they have not gone far enough.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Gone Quotes

The Autocrat of Russia possesses more power than any other man in the earth; but he cannot stop a sneeze.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Russia Quotes

Love is an irreresisistible desire to be irresistibily desired.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing after all. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations, and resentments flit away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humor Quotes , Yield Quotes

Use the right word, not its second cousin.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Cousin Quotes , Use Quotes

The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy from head to foot, and ended by saying that such a laugh was money in a man's pocket, because it cut down the doctor's bills like everything.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Laughter Quotes , Cutting Quotes

It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Friendship Quotes , Hurt Quotes

No man that has ever lived has done a thing to please God--primarily. It was done to please himself, then God next.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , God Quotes , Men Quotes

We chase phantoms half the days of our lives. It is well if we learn wisdom even then, and save the other half.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Phantoms Quotes , Half Quotes

Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Successful Quotes

If work were so pleasant, the rich would keep it for themselves.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Change Quotes , Inspiring Quotes