Mark Twain Quotes, Bird Quotes, Cuckoos Quotes

We were surprised how closely the cuckoo imitated the clock-and yet, of course, it could never have heard a clock.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Bird Quotes , Cuckoos Quotes

If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

To one in sympathy with nature, each season, in its turn, seems the loveliest.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Nature Quotes , Turns Quotes

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Good Life Quotes , Age Quotes

One of life's most over-valued pleasures is sexual intercourse; of one of life's least appreciated pleasures in defecation.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Appreciated Quotes

There is not an acre of ground on the globe that is in possession of its rightful owner, or that has not been taken away from owner after owner, cycle afer cycle, by force and bloodshed.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Taken Quotes , Acres Quotes

Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Integrity Quotes , Animal Quotes

Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our day of electric wires and water-ballast we turn it around: Man waits not for time nor tide.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

My father was a Saint Bernard, my mother was a Collie, but I am a Presbyterian.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Mother Quotes , Dog Quotes

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Father Quotes , Men Quotes

The true pioneer of civilization is not the newspaper, not religion, not the railroad - but whiskey!

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Civilization Quotes , Pioneers Quotes

Ours is the "land of the free"-nobody denies that-nobody challenges it. (Maybe it is because we won't let other people testify.)

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Land Quotes , People Quotes

In Austria an editor who can write well is valuable, but he is not likely to remain so unless he can handle a sabre with charm.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Writing Quotes , Editors Quotes

My heart goes out to anyone who is making his first appearance before an audience of human beings.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heart Quotes , Firsts Quotes

Simplified spelling is all right, but, like chastity, you can carry it too far.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Spelling Quotes

Conductor, when you receive a fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare. A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare, A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare, A pink trip slip for a three-cent fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare! Punch, brothers! punch with care! Punch in the presence of the passenjare!

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Brother Quotes , Eight Quotes

Life becomes fully understandable only the moment we realise that we are all mad.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Mad Quotes , Intriguing Quotes

I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none for the poor.....Perhaps your religion will sustain you,will feed you-I place no dependence in mine. Our religions are alike, though, in one respect-neither can make a man happy when he is out of luck.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Happiness Quotes , Happy Quotes

Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience - 4000 critics.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Time Quotes , Night Quotes

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes