Mark Twain Quotes, Taken Quotes, Wish Quotes

Adam was the author of sin, and I wish he had taken out an international copyright on it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Taken Quotes , Wish Quotes

There is this trouble about special providences namely, there is so often a doubt as to which party was intended to be the beneficiary. In the case of the children, the bears, and the prophet, the bears got more real satisfaction out of the episode than the prophet did, because they got the children.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Children Quotes , Real Quotes

The so-called Christian nations are the most enlightened and progressive ... but in spite of their religion, not because of it. The Church has opposed every innovation and discovery from the day of Galileo down to our own time, when the use of anesthetic in childbirth was regarded as a sin because it avoided the biblical curse pronounced against Eve. And every step in astronomy and geology ever taken has been opposed by bigotry and superstition. The Greeks surpassed us in artistic culture and in architecture five hundred years before Christian religion was born.

6 years ago

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Honesty is often the best policy, but sometimes the appearance of it is worth six of it.

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Great things can happen when you don't care who gets the credit.

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It’s not the good that die young, it’s the lucky.

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I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Sassy Quotes

We don't care to eat toadstools that think they are truffles.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Food Quotes , Thinking Quotes

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Class Quotes , Criminals Quotes

Written things are not for speech; their form is literary; they are stiff, inflexible, and will not lend themselves to happy and effective delivery with the tongue-where their purpose is to merely entertain, not instruct; they have to be limbered up, broken up, colloquialized and turned into common forms of premeditated talk-otherwise they will bore the house and not entertain it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Broken Quotes , House Quotes

One of life's most over-valued pleasures is sexual intercourse; of one of life's least appreciated pleasures in defecation.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Appreciated Quotes

Sometimes you gwyne to git hurt, en sometimes you gwyne to git sick; but every time you's gwyne to git well agin.

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To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.

6 years ago

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The most permanent lessons in morals are those which come, not of book teaching, but of experience.

6 years ago

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Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom.

6 years ago

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God only exhibits his thunder and lightning at intervals, and so they always command attention.

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He is now rising from affluence to poverty.

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Satan hasn't a single salaried helper; the Opposition employs a million.

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The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong. He can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes

There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the three form a rising scale of compliment: 1, to tell him you have read one of his books; 2, to tell him you have read all of his books; 3, to ask him to let you read the manuscript of his forthcoming book. No. 1 admits you to his respect; No. 2 admits you to his admiration; No. 3 carries you clear into his heart.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Heart Quotes