H. G. Wells Quotes, Funny Quotes, Time Quotes

There comes a moment in the day when you have written your pages in the morning, attended to your correspondence in the afternoon, and have nothing further to do. Then comes that hour when you are bored; that's the time for sex.

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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

I drink to make other people more interesting.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

I believe in the discipline of silence, and could talk for hours about it.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Now, because he knows that his economic theories don't work, he's been spending these last few days calling me every name in the book. Lately he's called me a socialist for wanting to roll-back the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans so we can finally give tax relief to the middle class. I don't know what's next. By the end of the week he'll be accusing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in kindergarten. I shared my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Only one marriage I regret. I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for a drink. The bartender said, "What will you have, sir?" And I said, "A glass of hemlock."

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

6 years ago

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Tags : Aeschylus Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes

Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Crush Quotes

In heaven, all the interesting people are missing.

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cat Quotes

Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.

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Tags : Victor Hugo Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes

Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

No orator can top the one who can give good nicknames.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father s. He's more particular. The father is always a Republican towards his son, and his mother's always a Democrat.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes

When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

The traveler sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he has come to see.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes